Resolving Conflicts

 

Very often members of a congregation are called to engage in week-long prayer vigils or 3-day fasts or month-long nightly prayer sessions and just as often, Jesus’ words found in Matthew chapter 18 are used as a preamble and source of encouragement.

For where two or three have gathered together in [Jesus] name, [He is] there in their midst (ref. v 20)

What a powerful declaration!

And so, we gather in one accord, presumably, and we pray in church, and we pray together as one voice lifted up via zoom from home, and we pray together at an appointed time wherever we are at that time and we kneel and we stand and we prostrate ourselves and yet, nothing happens; the prayers aren’t answered and we find that the financial breakthrough that we’ve prayed for as a church for the last twenty years to construct the new church building has not materialised, the flood of new members hasn’t been more than a trickle, the former members have not returned in droves or at all, nothing answered and we wonder…

What’s that about?

And so, another prayer meeting is organized, and another fast, and another vigil and another lovely verse is used as a preface to the new prayer session. Same chapter, different verse.

if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. (v 19 NASB 1995)

We are on this earth, we are asking and we agree, presumably but it hasn’t been done – every prayer is left unanswered and we wonder...

Where are the results?

Now, this clearly shows the danger in pulling verses out of a much bigger biblical narrative. These are just two verses from an entire chapter of verses; a chapter comprising thirty-five verses and the verses above are numbered nineteen and twenty, not respectively. It’s a case of the proverbial taking of the cart before the horse, where verses one to eighteen have been completely ignored.

The NASB 1995 version of Matthew chapter eighteen, from which these two verses were extracted, has grouped verses in sections as follows,

1-6 is “Rank in the Kingdom”, where the disciples asked Jesus, “Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” 

7-11 is “Stumbling Blocks”, where Jesus famously says,

“If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; it is better for you to enter life crippled or lame, than to have two hands or two feet and be cast into the eternal fire. If your eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out and throw it from you. It is better for you to enter life with one eye, than to have two eyes and be cast into the fiery hell.”

12-14 is “Ninety-Nine plus One”, where Jesus after relating the parable of the lost sheep says, “So it is not the will of your Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones perish.”

15-20 is “Discipline and Prayer”, where Jesus, quoting scripture from Deuteronomy 17:6 says, “by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed”

21-35 is “Forgiveness”, where Peter asked Jesus, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” to which Jesus answered, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.”

Reading this chapter in its entirety, you’d realize that Jesus is teaching His disciples about resolving conflict. The opening line of Matthew 18 is the catalyst of conflict among the devoted followers of Jesus and is, in many instances, the cause of conflict that exists in churches even today.

Everybody is obsessed with their rank or position or title within the church – Pastor and Bishop and Reverend and Elder and Deacon and Steward and Evangelist and Sister and Brother and so on and so on and if they’re not addressed in a certain manner, then they’d rather not be addressed at all because you’re insolent while all the while you’re simply innocent and perhaps just a little ignorant.

Apostle Paul, in his first epistle to the congregation at Corinth wrote,

But take care that this right of yours does not somehow become a stumbling block to the weak. (1 Corinthians 8:9 ESV)

Even in Paul’s day just as it had been in Jesus’ and now in our own time, Christians become stumbling blocks to their fellow Christian brothers and sisters. Too often we stand in each other’s way, hindering someone else’s spiritual growth and development. We get so consumed with the what that we neglect the who and are oblivious as the weak “little ones” of the faith perish.

It is how we, by our words and actions, those things we say and do, whether intentionally or unintentionally, impede others’ spiritual progress. The seriousness of this issue must be taken into consideration, as it is not only addressed by Jesus in Matthew 18 and Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 8, but Paul also deals with it in Romans 14 and Luke in Acts 15.

Jesus said that in the world, stumbling blocks were inevitable but added,

“…woe to that man through whom the stumbling block comes!” (v 7)

Then immediately thereafter Jesus relates a parable. Parables challenge people to look into the hidden aspects of their own lives. They are meant to afflict the comfortable, to indict, to inculcate a new perspective of conventional and personal values and to emphasize the point of view.

Jesus begins His short story with a question,

If any man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go and search for the one that is straying? (v 12)

The Greek word “plano”, which has been translated as “gone astray” carries the connotation of “deceive/deception”, therefore a better translation of this verse would be,

If any man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has been deceived, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go and search for the one that is deceived?

Can you see now, how this connects to Jesus’ warning of being a stumbling block?

In this parable, blame cannot be assigned to the sheep that has gone astray, the one that is deceived, the fault lays with the man who is shepherding the sheep. He was not as attentive to his sheep as he ought to have been.

Notice that this parable speaks of the church’s responsibility to care, doctrinally, for its members, who may be deceived by those false prophets who Jesus had already warned us of in Matthew 7:15-16.  

Jesus continues His teaching by carefully outlining the process for resolving conflicts within the church community. Jesus is pointing to respect, reconciliation and restoration.

Unlike what we see happening in churches today, conflict resolution is to begin in private between the parties involved and is not to be a broadcasting of your complaints. The inclusion of other parties only becomes necessary if witnesses and wisdom are required and the involvement of the wider community, if multiple attempts at the first two stages of resolving the conflict have failed.

Nowadays, persons both inside and outside the church haven’t a clue about resolving conflicts with respect and compassion; it’s all out war and in this age of social media, conflict has become a spectator sport.

Sadly, the church is no longer the example to follow as Elder Bob is not talking to Elder Sue, half of Pastor Joe’s congregation is angry and upset with him, this minister refuses to work with that minister, the stewards are at loggerheads, the worship team can’t get along, this faction of priests want to have nothing to do with that faction, and Sister Amy will not sit in the same pew as Brother Lou.

All this does is cause division. What did Jesus say?

“Any kingdom divided by civil war is doomed. A town or family splintered by feuding will fall apart.” (Matthew 12:25 NLT)

This includes the family of believers.

When reading Matthew 18:17, remember, Jesus ate with tax collectors, He did not shun them; having a meal together promotes fellowship. Sharing a meal with someone, especially in the way it was done in Jesus’ day was a very intimate affair; it encouraged closeness, broke down barriers, and formed a connection. It should have today, the same powerful effect of relationship building, it had then.

And don’t forget that it was Jesus who sent Paul out to the Gentiles (see Acts 13:47).

We seem to have forgotten that these were the people for whom Jesus came – the lost, the ones who were straying, the deceived (see Luke 19:10 & Matthew 15:24) – us and others like us, our fellow church members; yes, even the one you are avoiding.

It’s time for restoration and reconciliation in the church which can only come with genuine forgiveness. People need to be honest, accountable and responsible. The goal for every member of the community must be to heal broken relationships with each other and with God.

Understand that when Peter asked Jesus if he should forgive someone who sins against him up to seven times (Matthew 18:21), he understood the significance of the number seven, so that when Jesus replied up to seventy times seven, Peter was well aware that this wasn’t a random selection of multiples simply to signify great forgiveness.

You see, the number 490 represents a time of grace but that’s an explanation better left for another day. Until then, know that by His response to Peter, Jesus was revealing the heart of the New Covenant – the forgiveness of sins.

Beloved, Matthew chapter 18 is all about the proper way of resolving conflicts.

Jesus had a way of meeting people where they were, showing grace, connection, compassion and forgiveness above all and you and I, in emulating Him, must endeavour to do the same.

If we as a church community want to experience answers to all our prayer vigils, monthly prayer and fasts, our weekly prayer meetings and our daily prayer partnerships according to Matthew 18:19-20, then we can’t ignore the other parts of this chapter and certainly, we cannot afford to be escalating conflicts rather than resolving conflicts.

Amen †

Shelley Johnson “Resolving Conflicts” © 2026 July 13, 2026